Strictly for my Ninjas

It's great when you have to look down at your t-shirt to find out how to spell a word. Last night was ok...I saw some good guys, and had some stiff drinks...who knew that I liked Vodka and Cranberry juice? (not me). I ran into Werner, who spent the first half of the evening keeping away from me, and the last half cornering me. My dad showed up for a moment to join us for a drink, and I was so happy to have dad-o help me turn my back to Werner. Later, drunker...I needed a ride home, so Werner took me, and then we talked for the better part of an hour about our potential friendship. Have you ever read a Janne Austen novel, seen a britsh movie, or heard Eddie Izzard's stand-up routine about either? Crushes are like those three things...a glance, a meaningful word, an accidental bump down a corridor, a 2 minute dance at a ball...and suddenly you're entranced with someone...do they know how you feel? Do you know how you feel? You wait for a letter, a second glance, a bit of gossip...and all the while, social propriety stops you from marching over to the person and making like third-graders..."I like you, do you like me?" But when you cross that line...you have left yourself open for the most crushing attack..."No...I don't."...That's why I've been all about the secret crush...living my life pretending I wasn't in love with the boys that I so desperately wanted to smooch...some, it may have worked out...some I know it would have exploded in a stinky mess...and all in all, I'm glad I didn't make that move, but in at the time, I wish I'd had the guts...so in that respect, I'm glad that Werner can be so honest with his feelings and desires...he wants to be my boy, and he doesn't let me forget it...but I tell you true...it's not happening. Sorry W. I hate the idea of turning down a chance to be desired...but at what cost? I'm not dealing with this nonsense right now...it was nice and fun while it lasted, but it's time to let go. Perhpas I'm shooting myself in the foot...turning down my last chance at happiness...(Jinx's snorts with laughter at this point...so does Ninja's inner Tricky...) I'm not gonna just take what I can get, love-wise. I may not know the love of my life yet...and I sure don't think that I met him last night (although there were some hotties there) and it's real nice to feel eyes on you from across the room...but those eyes can be an admirier or a stalker...and one is definately different from the other.